I remember the day so clearly… I was sitting at a marketing event surrounded by 1500 entrepreneurs. Everyone was energized, pumped up and dreaming big. I, on the other hand, was sad and insecure.
The enemy whispered “you’re the least successful person in this room…and the most unattractive. You don’t belong here, it is just a matter of time before someone calls you out on it.”
Despite my fears and feelings of unworthiness, I forced myself to walk through the doors of that conference every morning for 3 days. And every morning my cheeks were hot with shame, as I worried that someone could read my thoughts, and know that I was totally insecure and felt like an imposter. The odd girl out.
Every day, the Enemy suggested that I should just leave. Noone would miss me if I was gone.
Yet the Holy Spirit gently guided me to continue pushing through, and continue listening. Deep within me, I knew there was something specifically for me at that conference, I just hadn’t gotten it yet.
Then Marcus Lemonis walked onto the stage. After sharing a vulnerable story about his childhood, he asked the audience one simple question.
“What’s something that you haven’t told ANYBODY and how does it affect your business?”
The Holy Spirit dropped the answer on my heart immediately.
“I hate myself.”
It was shocking (to me), sad, and unfortunately, very true.
The one thing people didn’t know about me was that I hated myself. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I literally hated the woman staring back at me.
What was there to love?
I was 210 pounds on a 5 foot 5 frame– stats that landed me in the “clinically obese” category. I had been on diet pills or some form of diet since I was 12 years old.
I had hair that I could never style just right–thanks to its tendency to frizz up at the slightest bit of humidity.
I was top heavy, a feature men (and women) didn’t mind commenting on… all insisting it was a blessing…yet it made me feel painfully self-conscious.
And the cherry on top? I had strabismus.
Never heard of it? Neither did I until I was 42…because most people called it by the name that stung so deeply my entire life.
Some particularly cruel guys in college called it a “crazy eye”.
No wonder I never felt beautiful on the outside, or the inside for that matter.
As an entrepreneur, others viewed me as “successful”. After all, the business my husband and I started back in 2010 had crossed the 5 year mark, generated multiple six-figures annually, and enabled me to retire from my full-time law practice at the age of 33.
Yet, I could never “see” my accomplishments. I saw only what others had achieved, that I hadn’t. Which meant that I was always feeling like I never quite measured up. The fact that we had “just a six-figure business” while others had crossed the million dollar mark, made me feel, well… like a loser.
So it was no surprise that when I looked in the mirror, I hated the person staring back at me. The Enemy told me I was “fat, ugly, lazy, and a loser who just would never measure up.”
Obviously, I kept his indictment to myself for years…but I believed every word.
“How did that affect our business?”
It affected everything!
Just a couple of weeks earlier, I had told my husband I wanted to quit our business and go back to practicing law.
I didn’t want to inspire anyone. I had no desire to be seen on stage… I was a wreck– physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I felt like I never would achieve the levels of success that others had achieved, so the Enemy had convinced me that I should just quit our business.
Yet, in spite of that desire to quit, I forced myself to attend that conference, which was a couple of weeks after my meltdown.
So there I sat in my chair, surrounded by strangers, with the realization that I hated myself.
Then God intervened. For the first time in my life, miraculously, I had a sincere desire to LOVE myself.
I didn’t have a clue how I could do it, or IF I could even do it. But I was willing to try.
As if on cue, I had a revelation that the fat on my body was a physical manifestation of my hatred for myself.
As soon as I realized what it was, I wanted that fat gone. Immediately.
To fast forward the story a bit– I ultimately lost 55 pounds in 5.5 months, and my weight loss journey put me on the path to finding out who I really was and ultimately loving myself–gifts, flaws and all.
Four months after that, at our annual company planning meeting, Rich and found ourselves at a cross-road. We both felt like our current brand and product offerings had run its course and that it was time for something new. But we had NO clue what that “new thing” was.
We also had been waffling back and forth for years about whether or not we would move back down South from Boise.
At the start of the meeting, I told Richard that I just couldn’t handle not knowing where we would live, we needed to decide: stay in Idaho or go back home. We both decided to move back down South. A huge weight was lifted.
Next on the agenda- the future of our Company. The “something new”.
As we starting brainstorming new ideas, the words UNSTOPPABLE INFLUENCE were dropped on my heart.
Being an Internet Marketer, I quickly looked to see if we could buy the domain name and to our pleasant surprise it was available! We couldn’t believe it.
Then I did a Google search to see if anyone had it trademarked…and there were only a few results– all of which were sermons!
I knew in that moment that Unstoppable Influence wasn’t just a GOOD idea, it was a GOD idea.
I didn’t have a clue what it meant, or what I was supposed to do with it.
What I did know, was that it was another calling, and that the Lord would lead me where I needed to go. I felt plenty of fear…and a whole lot of uncertainty, but I moved forward anyways- knowing that I was being divinely guided.
Next, it was time to start designing a logo for this new brand. I submitted a design brief to the graphic artists, and to my surprise, a large number of them included an Infinity Symbol. As I sat there in awe, a familiar verse was placed on my heart:
“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”
Revelation 22:13 (NIV)
I was getting excited for what was to come… although I had no clue how things would unfold.
The Lord surprised me at every corner. About 4 months after the words “Unstoppable Influence” were revealed, I got the nudge to sit down and finally write my book.
I started writing a book several years earlier, but shelved the idea when I hit an incurable case of writer’s block…and now, I was being guided to pick up the pen again (or more specifically, open up my laptop and write….ha ha ha)
I had NO clue what the book would be about, only the name:
I blocked four weeks out to write the book, and I began each session the same way–in prayer.
The words just flowed from my fingertips on the page, and over the course of just 22 days, I had written the manuscript! I had no idea how to publish a book, but I knew that God would lead me. And he did.
This may shock you, but I never actually read my book while I was writing it. So after a two-week break, I picked it up and began reading.
As I did, I was in awe at the beautiful tapestry of my life. While I was “in the thick of things” I only saw knots. Never before had I seen how God was weaving seemingly random events connected together into a masterpiece of goodness.
As I finished the first full reading of my manuscript, I truly saw for the first time how God was seeking to use my pain to serve others.
My book ultimately became a best-seller on Amazon, with over 16,000 copies sold so far…and our brand has enjoyed extraordinary success- notably through yet another “God-idea”…a Challenge.
In the Challenge, I take women through the process of Unbecoming everything that no-longer serves them, so that they can be the women that God designed them to be. I teach them how to start mastering their fears so they can step out of their comfort zone, and how to find and use their voice to shine their light in the world.
Ultimately, Unstoppable Influence opened up doors I never could have fathomed including speaking on stage at the very event that changed my life forever- Funnel Hacking Live…where I spoke in front of 5,000 entrepreneurs…
I’ll save that story for Part 6!
The Enemy will come at your fast and furious when you’re on the cusp of fulfilling God’s will. Just like he came at Jesus tempting him in the wilderness when he was hungry after having gone without food for 40 days and 40 nights. 40 day fast. If Satan is bold enough to come after God incarnate…then he won’t have any problem coming after us…tempting us. Whispering lies, and doing all within his power to kill and destroy God’s creation and His plans.
As you see in my story, I was on the cusp of quitting. The Enemy wanted me to quit. He tried all within his power for me to quit. By the grace of God alone, I resisted the temptation. What was on the other side of my obedience in following the Lord’s prompts for our business?
Thousands of lives have been transformed. Not to mention overflowing blessings in our life.
In your pursuit of God’s will for your life, the Enemy will not back down. Stand strong on the promises of God. No matter what is thrown your way, God will use it ALL for good. And when God speaks to you, and you get that “divine nudge”– take action. Don’t delay. You don’t need to know all of the steps.. you don’t need to see the entire blueprint for God’s will for your life.
You just need to know the next step He’s calling you to take…
Then, take the step in Faith.
He won’t leave you hanging…He never has and He never will.
A Prayer for You Today
How grateful and blessed I am that you, Father, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the Ending, and that you have already defeated the Enemy and that no weapon formed against me by the Enemy shall prosper. Thank you for allowing me to be your daughter and to play a role in your story. Help me to recognize the areas in which you are calling me to serve and reveal to me my next step so that I can glorify you, Lord.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
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Continue to Part 6 HERE
Did you miss the Other Posts in this Series?
Read Part 1
Read Part 2
Read Part 3
Read Part 4
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